You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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