1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
