I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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