My sheets look like a crime scene.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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