At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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