how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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