So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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