the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
