She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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