bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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