i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
