I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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