I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
