Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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