So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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