Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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