Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
