If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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