the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
