Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
