You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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