So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
