I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
