Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
