oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
