16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
