she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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