I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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