I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
