thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you will always have a special place in my vag
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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