There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he just fucked me for my cheese..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
