He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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