3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
