I heard we made out
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
