YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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