just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
