she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
