What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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