This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize