I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
