I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pants are for mortals
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