I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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