woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
