I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I smell stomach acid.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
