I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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