sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
