True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
