He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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