Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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