the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
