Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
