Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
