dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were trust falling into bushes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
