you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
