At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
