I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
