you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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