She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
