I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
