I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
