some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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