just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
