Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize