This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
