hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
