Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
