you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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