i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
