Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
