I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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