i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
