do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
