i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
