chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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