So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
