you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
