dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?