Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend

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  (914): saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend http://tfl.nu/5l48
  Replies (5) Good night (1446) Bad night (523)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.

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  (480): turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way. http://tfl.nu/4k3o
  Replies (30) Good night (4921) Bad night (834)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes

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  (520): woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes http://tfl.nu/cy36
  Replies (33) Good night (729) Bad night (9935)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore

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  (732): I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore http://tfl.nu/xlhh
  Replies (65) Good night (2157) Bad night (5051)
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  (661): View more from California

  Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.

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  (661): Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up. http://tfl.nu/ev42
  Replies (22) Good night (5160) Bad night (1762)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

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  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (13667) Bad night (1212)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.

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  (702): I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high. http://tfl.nu/9ove
  Replies (27) Good night (1301) Bad night (5100)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

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  (321): I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised... http://tfl.nu/krhx
  Replies (14) Good night (5666) Bad night (1016)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

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  (860): I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name. http://tfl.nu/83o9
  Replies (22) Good night (5553) Bad night (918)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.

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  (819): I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me. http://tfl.nu/9k8k
  Replies (4) Good night (1198) Bad night (2241)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.

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  (516): The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety. http://tfl.nu/31qs
  Replies (3) Good night (1649) Bad night (869)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.

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  (515): If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face. http://tfl.nu/ob45
  Replies (6) Good night (838) Bad night (402)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?

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  (412): Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass? http://tfl.nu/n93b
  Replies (8) Good night (1139) Bad night (372)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.

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  (904): He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard. http://tfl.nu/3loy
  Replies (9) Good night (377) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.

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  (864): He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal. http://tfl.nu/lm83
  Replies (1) Good night (253) Bad night (398)

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