my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.