apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours