there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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