I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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