textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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