I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Couch. On fire.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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