Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
