there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize