Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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