a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
