when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
