I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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