i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
