my phone needs a breathalizer
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
