in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
