Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
